Climb Until Your Dream Comes True

Often your tasks will be many,
and more than you think you can do.
Often the road will be rugged
and the hills insurmountable, too.

Always remember, the hills ahead
Are never as steep as they seem,
And with faith in your heart start upward
And climb 'till you reach your dream.

Nothing in life that is worthy
Is ever too hard to achieve,
If you have the courage to try it
And you have the faith to believe...

Faith is a force that is greater
Than knowledge or power or skill
And many defeats turn to triumph
If you trust in God's wisdom and will.

Faith is a mover of mountains,
There's nothing that God cannot do,
So start out today with faith in your heart

And Climb Until Your Dream Comes True

by Helen Steiner Rice

Where have I been?? =)

I have received numerous emails from you, my readers and followers, asking where I am; what I'm up to; and if I am doing alright. I can't begin to tell you how very sweet that is of you, and you know who you are, and how blessed it makes me feel. I couldn't believe it once I got to each of those emails and read the words of encouragement, prayers of well being, and outreach of concern - support, and all around love that each one held. I was so moved, they brought tears of joy along with a few chuckles, and I loved them all!!

So I am going to update you all on what all I have been up to that has kept me out of pocket for so long....

As you know, at the first of the month I participated in a Sleep Study to try and get some solid answer as to why I keep uncontrollably falling. I did that on the 3rd through the 4th and on the 10th I went to hear the results, here's how that went;

I woke up at 6:30 am to start getting around and ready because my appointment was at 10:15 am and the drive over is about an hour. So I showered, fixed my hair, got dressed, and went into the kitchen with my make-up kit (it looks like a make-up artist should own this kit...hahahaa) and sat at the table with my mom, enjoyed the a/c & fan blowing in the room - but not on me, and put my make-up on. We talked, drank coffee, and ate some toast, and we both took our meds at the same time, of course her's are different than mine, but it was kind of funny that after we finished our toast we both reached for our medicines. Usually my mom goes with me to my doctor appointments, but this morning she wasn't feeling very well so she decided to stay home. So about 10 minutes to 9:00 am I left out starting my drive with all the other morning drivers, and man there was more than I thought there would have been.

I get to the doctor's office, check in and begin reading a couple of magazines. One of which was called "Fort Worth, Texas - The City's Magazine" and the cover had these huge words "Top Docs 2008". Well of course I had to check to see if any of my doctor's were listed and if this Sleep Medicine doctor was listed. Much to my delight, all of them were listed and this Sleep Medicine doctor was the number one in the area....I was feeling pretty confident about what this sleep study was going to provide. Good, bad or indifferent, the results would be pretty definite one way or the other....in my mind anyway.

Finally I was called back to speak with the doctor, yes....I took that magazine with me into his office!! I walk into his office, which is something new for me; usually it is into an exam room when you have a follow up. Anyway, I walk in his office and look around this really beautifully decorated office. There were two chairs in front of his desk so I sat in the one on the left, while I was waiting for him to come join me in his office, I continued to look through the magazine. Why is it that you always have to wait 10 minutes or more for the doctor to join you, either in the exam room or his office?? UGH!!

When he came in he sat in the chair next to me instead of behind his desk, which I thought was so odd..comforting, concerning, but still odd. hahahaha. He started by asking how I liked doing the sleep study and if I had any questions about it before we get started on the details of it all. Of course I had to tell him how much I loved the mattress..hahaha, and how nice everyone was to me and I appreciated that!! Then he asked me to go over to the computer so we could look at the graph reading from all the electrodes that were placed all over my body, and take a look at the actual video. Talk about interesting!! To see yourself sleep is really something everyone should experience!! I really don't move around much, just my head and one arm or the other is all that really moved....which I knew I didn't move very much because it hurts, but I had no idea just how still I could be. He began to tell me that during the night when I was sleeping that I did go into REM sleep multiple times, and during the day with the naps every 2 hours that I did go to sleep 3 of those times and very quickly and 2 of those times I did go into REM sleep.
Ok, so now I bet you are asking the same question that I had....What does that all mean?

Well, it means that I do have signs of Narcalepsy which goes along with the diagnosis my other doctor gave me of Cataplexy. He went on to say that the reason for my unexpected and uncontrollable falling is due to Cataplexy. I felt really good to finally have a definite answer for all that has been happening to me for the past several months. I asked if I could have a copy of the video, graphs, and his findings. Yes, I also asked if I could have the magazine of the Top Docs, to which he said yes to all. YAY!!

I walked out of there with my head in the clouds and my eyes set on DSW Shoes again....but I didn't stop this time...hahahaha. I drove back to my mother's, but first I stopped at Subway and got foot long subs for my mom, dad and myself. I was excited to let my parents know that we now have an answer for which could be controlled.
But once my Neurologist heard of his diagnosis, she totally disagreed....greattttt, just great!!!!
Which means I still have to keep my appointment with UT Southwestern Medical Center on July 31st. I sure do hope they can come up with either the same diagnosis or something that can be controlled as well!!

I stayed at my parents house through the weekend, because I had another doctor's appointment on the following Monday. I let him know of the results from the sleep study and he was pleased with himself because he was the one who had that thought in the first place. So he prescribed Imipramine and I went merrily on my way back to my parents house for the night. But I didn't leave until Wednesday because I was exhausted and didn't want to rush to make it home before doing my radio show or leave afterwards and be driving in the dark, so I hung out with my parents one more night. =)

Wednesday morning I loaded up my suitcases, yes that is plural....I had been there for a couple weeks ya know.....anyway, got all my things packed up, got the dogs things packed up and ready to be loaded up in the car. My dad and I toted everything outside and sat things beside my car, I went back in the house for the last little bit of things - my purse, cell phone, keys and to give out hugs. Only one problem....I couldn't find my keys!! We all searched everywhere for them, and I do mean everywhere, but couldn't find them. After an hour of searching and bringing everything back in the house because it was way too hot for them to be left outside for long, I searched through my purse one more time....which made it the 9th or 10th time.....and what do ya know....I found my keys in the outside pocket of my purse....someplace I never put them!!
So....my dad and I toted everything back out and in the car, I got the dogs in and straped in, gave out my hugs and kisses, and away we went, making our way back home.

Three hours later we arrived home to find all my plants in the house from the greenhouse because they weren't tended to the way they needed to be....go figure....They all looked half dead or at least headed in that direction. But I was way too tired to fuss with it right then!! So I unloaded everything out of the car and dropped it all off in the closet and quickly changed my clothes for comfort and made my way into my nice, comfy bed!! WOW did it ever feel nice to be back in my own bed again!! I raised the feet up and lowered the head, put the tv on relaxing music and closed my eyes.....I drifted off to sleep so quick!!

Ever since, I have been either sleeping.....babysitting my two grand-daughters, tending to my plants, or sitting out on the boat dock relaxing and watching the cows!!
Well, until this week that is!! This week has started off with me putting key notes and a speech (of sorts) together for my speaking engagement for the Abilene Holistic Association on Thursday evening. I am really looking forward to it and hope open the eyes of those who are blind to the effects Chronic pain, be from RSD or something else, causes on the mind, body and spirit. If any of you have something you would like for me to add to my speech, please email it to me and I will be sure to include it .... if I don't already have it!!

So, I guess that pretty much gets you up to speed with all that has been going on with me this past month....and for those of you who are on my mailing list for my Newsletter, sorry to have you read the same thing twice....that is if you read my blog also....hahahahaa.

Again, I appreciate all your emails of well wishes.....they truly made me feel so much better!! It is so nice to have you all as friends!!

~~God Bless You All~~

"If You Only Knew Syndrome" - Do You Have It Too?

If you are someone living with a chronic illness that nobody can see, you know what "If You Only Knew Syndrome" is!

When people say things like: "Wow, you are really looking good, things must be going well with you" or "So you must not be ill anymore because you are so active again, and you're looking better", that is when you just want to sarcastically say to those people: "If you only knew!" Right? Sometimes you just want to scream: "Buy a vowel already because you DON'T have a clue!"

But you hold that sort of response inside, biting your tongue so hard that you could draw blood, and smile and say something like: "Thank You! I'm doing pretty good 'today'!" or maybe: "Good thing I don't look like I am feeling inside!" and you just laugh it off. While in the back of your mind you are feeling frustrated, discouraged or you're fighting the urge to shake that person and explain how ignorant they are!!

You have felt those things, or worse, haven't you? Sure you have, all of us who are living with a chronic illness that doesn't show itself on the outside where everyone can see, goes through situations like that, it's inevitable! It's going to happen!

But....do they really mean it as a compliment with some understanding or knowledge of what you're going through?

How could you know this for sure?

You can't honestly think they are saying it to be mean or hurt your feelings can you? No, of course not!

So why is it that we take such offense to those comments?

I know, for myself - and many others, the answer to that question is because we are getting 'sick and tired' of being 'sick and tired' and we long to be "NORMAL" again.

We really don't want to park in those handicapped spaces. I mean, sure they are closer to the door and real convenient. But you feel a bit "guilty" when you get out of your car and people look at you like: "What the heck? That person can walk, there's no reason for them to be parking there" or they have an angry look on their faces as they watch you walk in the store. Ever experience one or both of those?

You also feel 'guilty' because of what you perceive to be your limitations. (e.g. cleaning, vacuuming, sweeping, mopping, making the bed, cooking, etc.) Right?

I remember life before chronic illnesses and pain, and how much I loved it. So when someone looks "down" on me because they 'assume' I don't do anything except sit around all day eating bon-bons and watching soap opera's, it would really upset me to the point of causing much undo stress and my slithering into depression over it. I use to think to myself, "Man, if this is how the rest of my life is going to be, then God....Take me now!!" And I know I'm not the only one who experiences those types of feelings, Am I?

With a chronic illness that is invisible to the eye, all you want is for people to understand how dramatically your live has been altered by what is causing your illness or pain.
You just want "Empathy" not "Sympathy"!!

How do you ever get that "empathy" that you want and need?

Unfortunately, to get the much needed support and sense of understanding from others, you first need to "accept" things as they are and begin your journey into wellness!

You are probably sitting there asking: "What does she mean by that?", aren't you?

Well, can you honestly say you have "accepted" the fact that you are in chronic pain, or you have a chronic illness that only you can see because you feeeel the affected area.
But to those who have never felt the type of pain you have, it is incredibly difficult to describe what or how you're feeling. Should you even try making them try to feel it? No, probably not. Why? Because unless they are diagnosed with the same illness, they will never come close to even imagine the things you go through on a daily basis!
So what then are you to do?

Share some of the things that have helped you "accept" things and move 'forward' in your journey and find that much needed sense of understanding and empathy!

Here are just a few of the things I have done when I sincerely didn't think there was anything that could get me to the next level of the relentless agony I was feeling each and every second of each and every minute of each and every hour of each and every day!!

1. Realized nobody could help me any better than I could, so it was completely up to me how my life would go, and I chose to Live!

2. Learned how to meditate and visualize my journey being in a much happier time and place.

3. Learned how to 'breathe' correctly so I could get the full benefit of all those deep breaths I had been taking.

4. Learned how to 'relax'! This one of the most important things you will ever do for yourself! I invite you to find a way to unwind and enjoy the beauty God provide for you each and every day!


Ok, your turn... =)


Looking forward to reading your tips that has gotten you to where you want to be....And if you aren't where you want to be, ask me, or someone, how you can!


~God Bless~
Coach Marla

True Grit Is ....

TRUE GRIT IS ....

By: Susan Falkner-Wood



True grit exists in the day to day behavior of those who face overwhelming challenges but still insist on sucking the marrow out of the bone of life instead of settling for scraps.

True grit is speaking up to a doctor who must cover his ego because he can’t find out what is wrong with you and tells you it’s
“all in your head.”
It takes true grit to walk in to a new doctor’s office after experiencing a put down like that.

Courage is the individual who, after a restless, pain-filled night, still reaches for the alarm clock, gets out of bed and stumbles or limps to the bathroom to take the morning medications, to face a new day.


Courage, Valor and Hope lie deep within us, and we will find the seeds of their existence if we have the grit to look and we don’t bury ourselves in denial, a bottle of liquor or an extra, dangerous dose of pain pills.

Courage is not the absences of fear.
It is walking into the face of fear and smacking it in the face.

Courage is quiet and at other times, grand.
It’s still courage.

True grit tackles the hard way, if necessary,
not the easy way.


Courage is doing what you know, deep in your being, is best.


Courage finds a way to go forward whether it is upright, on a crutch, in a wheelchair
or at a crawl.




You can read the entire article from Sue Falkner-Wood by clicking HERE

I Wonder - An Easter Poem

I wonder what I would have done,
Had I been there in that crowd,
Would I have spoken up for Him,
In a voice clear and loud?

Would I have walked beside Him,
Down that dirty, rock-strewn road?
Would I have tried to steady Him,
As He stumbled with His load?

Would I have let Him lean against me?
Would I have gladly borne his weight?
Could I have helped in anyway,
To have eased His great heartache?

Could I have said the proper words,
To comfort His aloneness,
To show I shared His sorrow,
To attend to His forlornness?

I wonder if I'd been there,
Would I have stroked His tear-stained cheek,
And kissed His bloodied hands,
And washed his bloodstained feet?

Would I have rubbed His aching shoulders,
Put soothing lotion on His back.
Tended to His open wounds,
And supplied the water that He lacked?

I know I was not good enough,
To volunteer to take His place.
But could I have helped Him bear that cross,
And kept the sweat from His dear face?

Would I have put my arms around His mother,
And hugged her to my breast?
Could I have shielded her from viewing,
Her precious Son's tormented death?

Could I have helped prepare His body,
And have bathed Him with perfume?
I wonder if I'd been there,
Would I have waited by His tomb?

No doubt that Easter Morning,
I would have shouted, "HE IS RISEN!"
And I know I would have thanked my God,
For that most joyous of occasions.

I'm so sorry that He suffered,
And I am sad it was that way.
But I know it was God's plan for man,
And because of it, we're saved.

The only thing I could have done,
I suppose, had I been there.
Would have been to state my love for Him,
And tell Him that I cared.

written by Virginia (Ginny) Ellis

Celebrating The "Women Of HOPE" - Journey # 8

~~Amber's Story~~

Back in September 2008, I was doing this crazy thing that occasionally happens in college, called studying. After finishing studying for a biology test I had the next day, I stood up. Upon standing, I had shooting pain in my elbow and tingling in my hand. The pain continued for a few days and I started going to doctors: five medical professionals and a few months later and I arrived at an orthopedic doctor who said it was Cubital Tunnel Syndrome.

Like carpal tunnel syndrome, it involves a nerve that becomes compressed and pinched, but the cubital tunnel is in the elbow rather than the wrist. It also affects the ulnar nerve rather than the median nerve. Anyway, enough of an anatomy lesson; the doctor tried several conservative methods before resorting to surgery when my pain and tingling persisted.

The surgery was pretty routine - he would slice my elbow open about 7 inches, then move the nerve to the other side of the bone that stick out of the side of your arm called the medial epicondyle (thus effectively removing my ability to "hit my funny bone"). The surgery went well; I was placed under regional anesthesia, so my hand was numb for about 24 hours after surgery.

While the whole arm was numb, I felt great, but the numbness never fully wore off the ulnar side of my hand (that's the pinkie side). Though it was numb to touch, I started feeling a crushing pain in my wrist followed by stabbing pains in my whole arm. The pain continued, so the doctor decided to go in for another surgery to be sure nothing was blocking the nerve (basically, he went "sight-seeing" in my arm to check for mistakes).

That time I had general anesthesia that resulted in instant pain as soon as I was conscious. I was taking Norco (extra strength Vicodin) and it was doing nothing for the pain and nothing did until the surgeon prescribed some Neurontin, which helped the pain a little. The pain at times was so bad I'd want to throw up. That was mid-January 2009 and now the incision is healed up well, but my arm is still in great pain.

My hand sweats more than the other, but my elbow/upper arm feels cold. My hand is swollen some and the skin is stretched tight (my pinkie and ring finger knuckles seem to have disappeared, even when I make a fist). I can't move that elbow, wrist, or hand much at all without sharp pain. The pain is really weird and very hard to explain to doctors. Even stranger is what hurts - people walking by make a breeze that causes pain, so does even the slightest vibration, like someone sitting on my bed, or twitching their foot near me.

The orthopedic surgeon thought it might just be nerve damage, and we would have to wait for the nerve to "calm down." I wasn't entirely satisfied, so I went to a psychiatrist in February 2009 who first mentioned CRPS (or RSD).

The pain in my arm hasn't changed from before the doctor said "CRPS," but the diagnosis has thrown me into an emotional tornado. With Cubital Tunnel, I was looking at going through a surgery and two weeks in a splint, but relief of pain.

When it continued to hurt afterward, the doctor said nerve damage that might take three to six months to heal. A long time, but manageable. But now, CRPS, I'll never "heal" even if I go into remission, there is always the threat of its return.

How can I go on in life when everything I am has been stripped away?

I'm 22 years old. I'm supposed to be graduating from college, looking for a house, a job, a life - gaining independence from everything I've known while growing up.

Yet I can't even tie my own shoes or fold my clothes. I've been robbed of everything that makes me who I am.

I love working with my hands: quilting, knitting, card-making, cooking, scrapbooking, art.

I love being active: hiking, biking, horse back riding, camping, traveling the world.

All of that has come to a screeching halt, replaced with pain, exhaustion, doctor's visits, and trying to hide my pain from everyone. It is all I can do to keep up with my classes, homework, doctor's visits, and physical therapy.

My life will never be the same, my plans for the future have been destroyed, my dreams devastated, but in the midst of pain and struggling to comprehend what God is doing in my life, I find hope.

God is my creator, He made my nervous system, and He knows every intricate nerve that communicates with my brain. I know He didn't make a mistake making me, exactly what He knew He was doing.

Even when all else is stripped away, I can trust that God knows exactly what He is doing in my life. I pray that this time will be one of blessings - growing closer to God and reaching out to those who are lost.

My goals in life are still the same - love God with all my heart, help those around me to know Him more, and reach out to those who cannot comprehend salvation, but my means of accomplishing my goals have changed. Just like Paul, I've been thrown in a circumstance that seems unpleasant, but I praise God because it gives me a story.
It offers a way to meet people I might never meet, it blesses me with the ability to concentrate on God when everything else has faded into the background, it forces me to accept help and rely on other Christians, drawing strength from them when I am down.

Would I choose to have CRPS? No way, but I praise God for the blessing it is to me, even in the darkest of circumstances, I will praise my God because He is worthy. Though I know I face unrelenting pain, I say to God "bring it on, just so long as you use it to glorify you." Blessed be His name, for He is worthy of endless praise.

~~Amber~~

The Journey Of Another RSD Warrior!!

Allow me to Introduce my friend,
Trudy aka TheMatrix777

To My Readers: This is a three-part series involving my latest treatment for my RSD.

The treatment is called
"Trigger Point Injections"

There is no "cure" for
Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy (RSD) .

The top picture is what I looked like BEFORE I got RSD (Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy). I was a successful, independent software contractor making a 6 figure salary. So basically, I was very happy....... On Jan 8, 2005 my whole life changed. That was the day of my hand surgery, and my life has never been the same. I had to stop working (forced retirement) and file for disability (SSDI) because I could no longer function without my right hand! A few months later, I lost some use of my left hand too.. and then my legs stopped working. So now I'm confined to a wheelchair.

"So my wages went down to approx $1,000 a month. NO ONE can live on that. But I had to; I had no choice! Remember: I was the sole support of my family......Talk about a stressful situation, this was it!" I cried every night wondering how I could ever find the money to feed my family. I even went to a contract meeting with a client, in a cast, and pretended I was fine, even though inside I was screaming with white, hot searing pain. In the end, I just could not take the contract. There was just no way I was going to be able to bluff my way through and give the client what he paid for.

RSD tends to spread and mine was no different!!!! It spread like a wildfire! Nothing would stop it ...until Tuesday, March 24, 2009, when I got my first "Trigger Point Injection".............. .

Thank GOD for Dr.Kenneth Hampar, M.D. at the Pain Institute of Nevada

Picture #2 AFTER I got RSD. It's a picture of my right hand. Does it look like a hand? Nope. It doesn't. And it didn't work like one either.......... Now, I can't wait for the day when I don't have to have help with cutting up my food; cooking, cleaning, helping me bathe, brush my teeth, brush my hair.........etc. The list can go on forever........but you get the picture. I feel like a baby. Its humiliating...... I want some self-reliance. I want my pride back. I want to not be so foggy that I fall asleep with food in my mouth from so much pain medicine.

Treatment schedule:

1st Trigger Point Injection: March 24, 2009 2nd Trigger Point Injection: March 31, 2009 1 mo Followup: I hope you will join me. I am very excited, especially after the first shot. I have NO PAIN in my RIGHT HAND! (hint: that is the original site of the RSD)

Please remember: No treatment works the same for everyone. It seems to have worked on my hand, at least the first shot did. How long will it last? I don't know. You will know when i know. Will the 2nd one work to sever the pain cycle forever? I don't know... I have all of these questions and more . I'd love you to find out with me. My next shot is Tuesday. I will be writing the next update the.

Hope to see you soon.

thematrix777


Please click on any of the links in this story to visit her website.

Celebrating The "Women Of HOPE" - Journey # 7 - Poem

~Talk to Me~

Come talk to me.
I am just like all of you with rsd.
Lost in a world of pain that only we can feel.
We try so hard everyday to fight the fight of pain.
That no one can see or feel but us alone

We all cry. We want to laugh.
We don't want pity or I'm sorry
We just want to be understood.

I am scared are you too?
That we may never be understood by those who love us.
Oh, they try to help but they can't,
for they will never know what we want.
That we only ask for love and some understanding.

Please never give up!!
For we all share a very special gift.
I call it compassion.

I offer you my ear to listen,
my hand to hold,
tissues to wipe your tears away.
But most of all my prayers, understanding and love

~~Linda~~
2005

Celebrating The "Women Of HOPE" - Journey # 6

~~Becca's Story~~

March 12, 2007, I will never forget that day as long as I live!!


I dropped my 4-year-old son off at childcare early in the morning, as I had to go to work. It was a home day care so she was flexible with hours. I told her that her parkway (edge of her yard at the end of her cul-de-sac) was icy and she needed to get it sanded before other kids arrived.
I left and was walking to my car carefully, but not carefully enough. I slipped and fell. Boy did I. I yelled and yelled, but no answer. It was a mess. I had to drive 1 mile to work with my left foot so I could get help because yelling did no good where I fell.


I thought I had a severe sprain since I had done that before. I went to get out of my car, and realized it wasn't just sprained. I sat for about 10 minutes until my co-worker arrived and helped me call my boss to take me to the Emergency Room. After a few hours there, they sent me to my surgeon, a great man who said we were going to fix this!


I had surgery the same day. During the surgery, I went into shock. They thought I was gonna die right on the table. Well, I didn't and when I woke up, my doc told me that he had to put a 5 inch plate with 5 screws that go from the outside of my leg towards the inside and there are also 2 more screws that go from front to back. My fibular head has 2 screws that go from the inside of my ankle up towards my leg. My bones split so I have a piece of Kevlar wrapped around the 2 bones kinda like a rubber band holding the bones in the correct position.



I was non-weight bearing for 10 weeks with an air cast boot. I was finally allowed to walk a little on it in the cast boot for another 5 weeks. I had the boot taken off the end of May 2007. By August, my foot started to have these weird spasms. My physical therapist thought I had RSD, so she sent me back to my surgeon. He sent me to a doctor who does nerve tests. She said I didn't have RSD just a little dystonia, it would go away with time. I went back to PT and fought hard for months to get back to "normal". I was discharged the end of March 2008.


In July of 2008, I went back to the Dr. who said I didn't have RSD because I was having more problems. She then decided I did in fact have RSD. She gave me some meds and sent me on my way. I had been chatting with a member at the YMCA where I worked who has RSD real bad. She gave me the name of a Dr. that she sees, but he wasn't taking new patients. I looked on the internet at a few hospitals near me and found a great Dr. who specializes in pain and has a clinical interest in RSD.


I had 2 nerve blocks, the first lasted 1 day, well almost… the 2nd put me in so much pain that he did a lidocaine IV instead of doing the 3rd nerve block. I played ping pong in his office seeing different docs. I changed neurologists and now Feb 2009, I am struggling to live. I have tried a number of meds, some worked a little, most don't. It's hard because I am on state insurance. They don't like to pay for a lot of meds, so I have to fight to get most of them. Some they still won't pay for. They won't pay for a lot of treatments either. I can't have physical therapy even though all the research says PT is the most beneficial treatment for RSD. I had a shoulder problem in high school and prior to that surgery, my doc (now retired) tried every med available to kill the pain. The only thing that worked was Percocet. I can't have Percocet even though that is one of the every few pain drugs that work for me. I can't take the generic of this med due to an allergy, but Maine doesn't care.


Right now (Feb 2009) I am taking Lyrica, Mirapex (it knocks out a weird side effect I get with Lyrica) and Zoloft (I have Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder)


I have had to fight for everything since I broke my leg. I can't sue the woman whose house I fell at, because in the great state of Maine, slip and fall cases are difficult at best to win. She had no homeowners insurance (it had lapsed when her husband went out of work) so I couldn't even file a claim with her insurance. Mainecare (Medicaid) pays my medical bills…well some of them.


My RSD has officially spread to my left leg so both legs are affected from my hips down. It is getting harder and harder to walk, but I am not letting RSD get me. I have HOPE that someday there will be a cure.

Thank you for listening to my story.


~~Becca~~

Celebrating the "Women Of HOPE" - Journey # 5

~Kris' Journey~

My name is Kristin and I am a 50-year-old female who has been suffering with chronic pain for 9 years.


After researching these diseases. I believe mine started from years of emotional and sometimes physical abuse in my first marriage. Spending everyday for 17 years with worry that you may make your husband mad or upset in anyway or at any moment takes a toll on your body. I remember going through panic attacks and being afraid to sleep at night or even go out for anything. I finally got the panic attacks under control and I am so grateful for that.

I then had surgery on my neck for a herniated disc that was causing a lot of pain and pressure in the back of my head and neck. About 1 year later the Chronic Pain started, first with Fibromyalgia. It took many doctor appointments and testing to finally get an answer to the all over aching and pain I had.

I was at that point divorced from my first husband and during the time I was being tested to find out what was wrong with me, I met up with an ex-boyfriend on a class mates site and we started talking and became close and now we are married.

He has helped me through all the hard times and taken me to doctors and tried to get me the help I needed. I have been very blessed to have him.

I then tried to work again and did ok for a while, until one night after work, I was out walking with my dog. It is something we had done for about a year. We were up to 2 miles a night, when I felt a horrible pain in my hip. It went shooting down my rt. hip to my foot. The pain was so bad; I could barely make it back to my car. The pain continued, so I had an X-ray , then MRI. The MRI showed herniated discs in my back, so I went for epidural injections and therapy. When neither of those things worked and the pain continued and even got worse, they sent me to a pain doctor. I was diagnosed with RSD by him and sent for desensitization therapy, aqua therapy and PT. He also did nerve blocks and finally got me on a combination of meds that did seem to help some with the pain. They then tried a trial SCS (Spinal Cord Stimulator) which did not work for me at all. But the pain did go down some from the combination of the other things they had me try.

Since then, I have also been diagnosed with Degenerative Disc Disease with and Stenosis Arthritis in my neck and back, Raynaud's Carpal Tunnel and Hyperthyroid.

I know how devastating it can be for a person suffering and those around him/her. I have had different pain syndromes and have learned a lot about them in that time, but I know there is always more to learn especially from others who also have these diseases.

It is very hard to not be able to do the things you used to, such as hold down a job and know where your next paycheck is coming from. It is really hard to have a doctor tell you that it is all in your head, or a spouse who thinks that you are lazy, or friends who just don't want to be friends any more.

I am fortunate, though; my family and friends have been very understanding and as helpful as they can. My husband is a very concerned, loving and compassionate man and hopes that there will be a cure for some of these diseases soon. I know not everyone who suffers has family helping them. Most of the time, family and friends are not there for them.

Before I had these pain diseases, I had a more normal and active life. I sometimes held down 2 or 3 jobs, plus had some nighttime activities. I am now unable to make plans with friends or family because of pain. It is a hard thing for them to understand and that is one of the things I am hoping to change one day.

I am still able to get around even though I walk a little funny. I am able to do light house-work and keep up with the cooking and shopping. Some days I am just too tired or sore to do things, so I don't. I just do as much as I can and then stop. I am unable to work or hold down a job at present, but am hoping to change that one-day with treatment.

~Kris~

Calf, Bulldozer & Me....What do these things have in common?

Yesterday on one of the 'many' trips of letting my dogs out to go potty, my Chihuahua (Peanut) was pretty close to the cattle gate by the pasture sniffing around. I walked down to make sure she didn't go under the gate into the pasture with the cows, because she wouldn't be the same little doggie if she did. hahahahaa.

As I got up to the gate, a cow came up to the gate, let me pet her on the nose a couple of times and for me to notice her ear tag which showed her to be cow #14. After I petted her, she turned around and I noticed on her tail there was some mucus so I knew she was either about to give birth, or had already given birth. But when she was quickly trotting away from me she was grunting pretty badly. So I scurried to the house with the dogs to get the phone and to leave the dogs inside. I called my in-laws house to let them know about what I was witnessing, but they weren't home, so I left a message. When I got back out where I could see the cow, she was standing near the woods and her backside was towards me....Then all of a sudden it happened!! She gave birth, right there standing up....I got to see the whole thing. I tell ya, I was wide eyed and wide mouthed as this was happening..and excited at the same time. I called my in-laws house again leaving them the message of the birth and that I would keep an eye on momma and baby so we can make sure baby is alright. As I leaned on the gate, the bull came up wanting to be congratulated or something, because he could not get enough of my loving as he rested his big ole head on my shoulder and licked my cheek a few times....which was such a delight and major treat for me. hahahahaha

I watched as momma cleaned baby and baby was rolled all over out there, I was feeling so sorry for that baby for sure!!

Then after an hour, baby had not stood up yet and they should be up within the first 15 minutes of birth. So I knew something was wrong with the baby. I also noticed that none of the other cows were over there with momma and they usually stay close to one another to protect the baby while momma cleans up all the mess from where the baby has been. Which clinched it for me, that baby was sick or hurt and we needed to get it out as soon as possible or the momma would kill it.

As I was about to call my in-laws again to see if they were back yet or to leave a message with that info on it, off in the distance, but not too far from baby, I noticed some coyotes coming closer and momma had walked away from baby. I left an entirely different message for my in-laws telling them the baby was down, coyotes coming close....bring your gun!!

Now, I had no idea where my in-laws were, or when they would be home, but I knew I had to keep those coyotes from getting any closer to that baby without me getting into the pasture myself. So I started making all sorts of noises, singing as loud (and horribly) as I could and they backed off. But all that bad singing caused the bull to fall in love with me I think....hahahahaha. He followed me where ever I went and snorted at the other cows if they came anywhere close to me....hahahahaa Hope he don't try to mount me...hahahahaha.

Anyway, FINALLY my father in law (Dan) came over with his bulldozer and some feed. We rounded up all the cattle and closed them up in the pen so we could go in the pasture without being in danger. Dan and I walked over to where the baby was laying and the poor thing was shivering terribly and it's neck was pulled back really far. Dan and I got down on our knees to feel it over to see if anything was broken on it's body, couldn't feel anything. Then my mother in law (Phyllis) walked out there to us and the 3 of us tried to stand the baby up, but it just couldn't hold itself up. So Dan pulled the bulldozer close and the 3 of us put this baby, that weighed 75 lbs. at least, in the bucket of the bulldozer. Phyllis sat on one side of the baby in the bucket, and I sat on the other side of the baby in the bucket, and we got it out of the pasture.

Dan opened the pen to let the cattle out and momma went 'running' over to where baby was, and close behind her was all the other cattle. When momma got over there and seen baby was gone, she was MAD!! She went to fighting with the other cows, bellowing for the baby, and kicking up dust like crazy. I felt so bad for her, but we had to get the baby out of there before night fall or before she herself killed it because there was something wrong with it.

Phyllis, baby, and I rode in the bucket over to my in laws house and Phyllis went in and made it a bottle of milk. (They keep calf bottles and powered calf milk on hand for just this kind of situation). I fed the baby and it sucked down not one, but 2 bottles within 10 minutes. It was so hungry and starting to get dehydrated.

As we waited for a neighbor to come take a look at the calf, I was sitting in the bucket with it's head next to my leg and my hand under it. And then, I turned into a human "pacifier"!! Nope, it wasn't sucking on my fingers, uh uh....it liked my leg. That's right my leg!! It was licking and sucking on my leg and it's shivering would calm.

Joe (neighbor) got there and felt all over it's body to see if there was a reason it would be holding it's head the way it was, and he couldn't find anything broken, but the muscles down the backside of it's neck was extremely tight, but that was all. I asked him if he knew of any good "Cow-a-practers". hahahahaha.

Joe picked up the baby, all by himself....WOW, and carried it to a pallet of blankets Dan had made on the floor of his barn and laid her gently down. I then covered it up with another blanket and laid down beside it to give it my body heat and to comfort it from all the stress it had been through so far.

It finally calmed down and the shivering was far and few between, like when you get cold then go inside a warm place but you still shiver for awhile, then the shivering itself stops, but every once in awhile you still shiver or maybe it is a shudder. But I am sure you all know what I am talking about.

Once she was all calm, Joe started feeling on it's legs, belly, chest, and making sure it's legs could straighten out. All seemed well in those areas, and we found out the baby is a girl!! But still no answer as to why her head was tilted back like it was.

So we covered her all up, tucking the blanket all around her, and I held her head and caressed it until she fell fast asleep.
Then I got help getting up and came home. Which my dogs were sooooo very happy to see!! They had their poor little legs crossed...hahahahahaaha.

Keep in mind all this started about 1:00 or so in the afternoon and I didn't get back home until 8:30 in the evening!!

About 3am I had to let the dogs out for their 'usual' call to release!! When I first walked out the door, I heard momma bellowing for her baby and heart so went out to her, but I know we did the right thing! But a few seconds later I heard 'many' coyotes howling very loudly and somewhat close. I figure they are mad as all get out that what they thought would be dinner is gone!!

Now, here's the wonderful part!! She is a beautiful calf....and I think God sent me outside when he did, because I normally don't pay much attention to the cows out there, but I watched this calf come out of it's momma....and I was there to protect her from the coyotes.....and she is now safe, warm and cared for. God sure knows what He is doing doesn't He?? I am so grateful that I was here and able to do whatever I could to help save the life of this beautiful baby calf!!

I called this morning and baby is doing pretty good. Still can't stand on it's own, but is drinking down the milk like nobody's business...hahahahahaha. Phyllis told me that I make a pretty good mid-wife for cows...hahahahahaha how funny is that? I told her I would be like one of those sheep dogs and sit on a hilltop and watch over the herd. hahahahaha.

Everyone has asked if we got a picture of Phyllis and I riding in the bucket of the bulldozer with the calf. Nope, sure didn't!! Sure wish we would have though, that would be an awesome picture wouldn't it. hahahahaha
I do plan on getting some pictures of the baby today when my hubby comes home and I will post them for you to see her. Oh yeah, my hubby is coming home early tonight because he is going coyote hunting!! Maybe we'll have a picture of one of those as well....hahahahaha.

Now, you want to know how I am doing today?? Well, I am pretty sore, but I feel it was for a extremely good reason!! I am not experiencing any RSD flares, and I haven't fallen within the past 24 hours, so God is watching over me indeed!! Of which I am completely grateful for and give praise to Him for allowing me to do all that I did yesterday and not suffer in excruciating pain for doing it today!!

Hope you found some humor, as well as how one person can make a difference with not only another person, but with all creation!!

~God Bless~

FDA: Antiepileptics Linked to Increased Risk of Suicidal Thoughts, Behaviour

ROCKVILLE, Maryland --
The US Food and Drug Administration has announced today that it will require the manufacturers of anti epileptic drugs to add to these products' prescribing information, or labeling, a warning that their use increases risk of suicidal thoughts and behaviors. The action includes all anti epileptic drugs including those used to treat psychiatric disorders, migraine headaches, and other conditions, as well as epilepsy.

The FDA is also requiring that the manufacturers submit for each of these products a Risk Evaluation and Mitigation Strategy, including a Medication Guide for patients. The guides will contain FDA-approved information about the risks of suicidal thoughts and behaviors associated with the class of anti epileptic medications.

"Patients being treated with anti epileptic drugs for any indication should be monitored for the emergence or worsening of depression, suicidal thoughts or behavior, or any unusual changes in mood or behavior," said Russell Katz, MD, Division of Neurology Products, FDA's Center for Drug Evaluation and Research, Rockville, Maryland. "Patients who are currently taking an anti epileptic medicine should not make any treatment changes without talking to their health care professional."

Healthcare professionals should notify patients, their families, and caregivers of the potential for an increase in the risk of suicidal thoughts or behaviors so that patients may be closely observed.

The FDA's actions are based on the agency's review of 199 clinical trials of 11 anti epileptic drugs which showed that patients receiving anti epileptic drugs had almost twice the risk of suicidal behavior or thoughts (0.43%) compared with patients receiving a placebo (0.24%). This difference was about 1 additional case of suicidal thoughts or behaviors for every 500 patients treated with anti epileptic drugs instead of placebo.

Of the patients who were randomized to receive one of the anti epileptic drugs, 4 committed suicide, whereas none of the patients in the placebo group did.
Results were insufficient for any conclusion to be drawn about the drugs' effects on completed suicides.
The biological reasons for the increase in the risk for suicidal thoughts and behavior observed in patients being treated with anti epileptic drugs are unknown.

Acting under the authorities of the Food and Drug Administration Amendments Act of 2007 (FDAAA), the FDA is requiring manufacturers of anti epileptic drugs to submit to the agency new labeling within 30 days, or provide a reason why they do not believe such labeling changes are necessary. In cases of non-compliance, FDAAA provides strict time lines for resolving the issue and allows the agency to initiate an enforcement action if necessary.

The following anti epileptic drugs are required to add warnings about the risk of suicidality:

carbamazepine (Carbatrol, Equetro, Tegretol, Tegretol XR); clonazepam (Klonopin); clorazepate (Tranxene); divalproex sodium (Depakote, Depakote ER, Depakene); ethosuximide (Zarontin); ethotoin (Peganone); felbamate (Felbatol); gabapentin (Neurontin); lamotrigine (Lamictal); lacosamide (Vimpat); levetiracetam (Keppra); mephenytoin (Mesantoin); methosuximide (Celontin); oxcarbazepine (Trileptal); phenytoin (Dilantin Suspension); pregabalin (Lyrica); primidone (Mysoline); tiagabine (Gabitril); topiramate (Topamax); trimethadione (Tridione); and zonisamide (Zonegran).
Some of these medications are also available as generics.

Health care professionals and consumers may report serious adverse events or product quality problems with the use of these products to the FDA's MedWatch Adverse Event Reporting program either online, by regular mail, fax or phone.

-- Online : www.fda.gov/MedWatch/report.htm

-- Regular Mail : use postage-paid FDA form 3500 available at: www.fda.gov/MedWatch/getforms.htm and mail to MedWatch, 5600 Fishers Lane, Rockville, MD 20852-9787
-- Fax: (800) FDA-0178
-- Phone: (800) FDA-1088


SOURCE: US Food and Drug Administration